Plans pushed through! We finally withstood the flopping plans of watching No Other Woman. My loveliest-sometimes-bitch-sometimes-i-love-sometimes-i-hate cousin plus her almost-immediately-boyfriend and I finally got a rhymed free time for us to have some movie date.
Since I am such a sucker for pinoy drama films, No Other Woman was the least movie I seek to watch. My ultimate female fave local celebrity, Anne Curtis and her smashingly hot body made the film a total bomb-packed. Cristine Reyes knocked the movie as well, with her first time on-screen angelic role (yata) and I have to mention.. who would not want to see a sight of Derek’s 8-pack goody goody abs? Hihi! I guess this is the greatest Filipino movie casting given that three hottest people living are the lead stars.
Found this amazing line-up by Jessica Zafra. I’ll let her do the talking.
What exactly is this movie saying?
1. Character is unnecessary; all you need are stereotypes. In the traditional defence of marriage melodrama these are:
1.1. The Handsome Husband
1.1.1. The Handsome Husband is so hot that he is literally bursting out of his clothes, which are at least one size too small for him so as to emphasize his well-developed pectoral muscles.
1.1.2. The Handsome Husband flirts outrageously with the customers who come to his store, but that’s all right because it sells furniture.
1.1.3. The Handsome Husband is devoted to his wife until a scheming slut throws herself at him. He cannot be blamed for succumbing because men are men and their brains are in their pants.
1.1.4. The Handsome Husband is only slightly less animated than the furniture he designs and sells.
1.2. The Beautiful Wife
1.2.1. The Beautiful Wife could be the sexiest woman in the archipelago, but now that she’s married she must suppress her sexuality in shapeless clothes and pale make-up.
1.2.2. The Beautiful Wife cooks nutritious meals for her husband and personally supervises his laundry.
1.2.3. The Beautiful Wife consoles her husband by having sex with him every time her domineering father makes disparaging remarks about his professional prospects.
1.2.4. The Beautiful Wife, being inexperienced in the ways of the world, confuses seduction with arson.
1.2.5. The Beautiful Wife is a good girl, hence she does not wear mascara and she has long, straight black hair that she wears in a ponytail.
1.3. The Sexy Mistress
1.3.1. The Sexy Mistress has lived in New York, ergo she is “liberated”, which in the Philippines is a synonym for “promiscuous”.
1.3.2. The Sexy Mistress speaks a strange, over-enunciated English and begins each sentence with an arch laugh (Ah-ha-ha!). And she smokes.
1.3.3. The Sexy Mistress is a bad girl, hence she wears copious amounts of mascara and has long, dramatically wavy hair.
1.3.4. The Sexy Mistress does not cook.
1.3.5. The Sexy Mistress likes to taste forbidden pleasures, so she eats seafood she is allergic to, which is just daft.
2. All fathers are mean and horrible, hence responsible for your issues.
2.1. The Handsome Husband’s father is a philanderer, embezzler and failed businessman, so The Handsome Husband will also be all of the above.
2.2. The Beautiful Wife’s father is a tacky philanderer, so The Beautiful Wife will marry same.
2.3. The Sexy Mistress’s father is domineering and arrogant, so The Sexy Mistress refuses to commit to a relationship until she meets someone who really can’t commit because he’s already married.
3. Women should humiliate themselves for their men.
3.1. They should engage in public bitch fights in which handbags become metaphors for the man they are fighting over.
3.2. They should invite each other to dinner and threaten to kill the bitch who is boinking their husband.
3.3. If thinly veiled verbal aggression does not suffice, they should have a brawl in a public place.
3.4. It does not occur to them that the person connected to the penis is also responsible for their troubles.
4. Nothing solves a domestic problem like a near-fatal accident.
4.1. The cheating husband endures excruciating physical torment as a substitute for castration.
4.2. The suffering wife has to forgive her husband because the thought of living without him is more than she could bear, and she’s forgotten that she left him.
4.3. The scheming mistress is jolted back to her senses.
5. The moral of the story is, Thou shalt not commit adultery.
5.1. The cheating husband crawls back to his wife, who doesn’t seem particularly enamored of him but is compelled to defend their marriage.
5.2. The wife always wins because there is no alternative. It’s not as if she could ditch her unfaithful spouse—there is no divorce in the Philippines (Well, technically).
5.3. The mistress goes back to New York, where all the bad girls are supposed to go, which makes you wonder who won exactly.
After an hour and a half seating on a red couch with an empty tumbler of popcorn, the movie has finally ended.
Michelle, as the laging-gutom buddy pulled us out heading to Mcdonald’s. No choice but to agree. Haha. Here is a scarce number of photos we got..
Me and my wait-i'm-not-yet-ready-smile.
Engorged a cup of my fave Sundae caramel.
Wait, is she trying to pull up her toots? Haha!
Sheila and Michelle!
The prettiest ape on earth, I mean pose.
Hoy Mich, be contented of what you have. LOL.
Who said you're destined to go through life alone?
My favorite girl forever!☺
I shall not finish this blog post without sharing some lines from the movie..
“Bakit ko ipaglalaban ang alam kong akin?”
“Ano ba ang mahirap na kalaban? Yung putang mahirap o yung putang mayaman?”
“Ang mundo ay isang malaking Quiapo, maraming snatcher, maagawan ka, lumaban ka!”
“Alam mo kasi ang marriage parang exclusive village. Kailangan mong bantayan para hindi makapasok ang mga squatters.”
“You can call me anything you want, a snake, a bitch, an other woman. But I will never be a pathetic, boring housewife.”
-THE END
